Japanese speakers needed!?

Hello. I've written a Japanese poem for that special Japanese girl, but I want to make sure that it is right. I've written it using Hiragana and Kanji, but I have to type it in Romaji, sorry. I'll type it in Romaji and translate it (due to multiple meanings of Kanji).





Please correct me where I'm wrong (grammatically, etc.) for I feel I've made a lot of mistakes since I'm a beginner in Japanese. Thank you VERY much!





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POEM:





Anata wa watashi no ki no san desu.


Anata ga watashi no ai no ka desu.


Watashi no san, watashi no ka,


Keiko (name) ga, watashi no urushii no hana,


ai no watashi no ate,


kietsu no watashi.


Keiko (name) ga, watashi no tenshi





Translation





You are my my river of vitality.


You are the fire of my love.


My river, my fire,


Keiko, my beautiful flower,


The aims of my love,


My joy,


Keiko, my angel.





Once again, thank you!

Japanese speakers needed!?
You are my my river of vitality.


=kimi wa watashi no afurederu seimeiryoku





You are the fire of my love.


=kimi wa watashi no ai no honoo





My river, my fire,


=watashi no chikara no shouchou, watashi no honoo





Keiko, my beautiful flower,


=keiko, watashi no utsukushii hana





The aims of my love,


=watashi no ai no muku saki





My joy,


=watashi no yorokobi





Keiko, my angel.


=keiko, watashi no tenshi





*'desu' is definitely not for poem


kimi and watashi are ok


good luck :)
Reply:Anata, watashi, desu, etc. don't make it very poetic, just kind of formal. Love confessions aren't meant to be formal. Also, Japanese don't use pronouns as often as in English.





Kimi wa ki no kawa


Kimi wa ai no hi


Boku no kawa, utsukushii hana


Keiko ga utsukushii hana


Ai no ate


Boku no shiawase


Keiko wa boku no tenshi
Reply:It is very difficult to translate poem spontaneously.


This is my free translation.





*You are my my river of vitality.


Anata wa watashi no inochi no kawa.


or


Anata wa watashi no inochi no minamoto.





*You are the fire of my love.


Anata wa watashi no ai no honou.





*My river, my fire,


Watashi no kawa yo, Watashi no honou yo.





*Keiko, my beautiful flower,


Keiko, watashi no hana yo,





*The aims of my love,


Watashi no ai no mokuhyou,


or


Watashi no ai no mokuteki,





*My joy


Watashino yorokobi





*Keiko, my angel.


Keiko, watashi no tenshi.








Good luck!!

Perfect semi formal makeup